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  • Writer's pictureJim Hostler

Be Altruistically Selfish!

In a world filled with fast-paced conversations, social media updates, and constant information coming at us like snowflakes in a Chicago blizzard, it's easy to forget the true essence of communication: connecting with people on a genuine and authentic level, to be able to connect at a soul level, to hear what is being said between the lines. To feel the conversation! The art of authentic communication is not merely a skill but a cornerstone for building meaningful relationships and achieving success, whether in business, personal life, or any other sphere.


The foundation of authentic communication is engagement. Instead of immediately launching into your life story or what you have to offer, take a step back and listen. And there is a crisis in this domain. The crisis is called "I and me". I did this. I did that. Let me tell you more about me... me... me. Instead, suspend your ego, truly connect with the person in front of you. Ask open-ended questions, express genuine interest, and focus on their story... learn their why. Create yourself in the emotions of being open and having compassion and see how your listening changes! Seek to understand them but with a word of caution: if you do this listening with your agenda - you ultimately want something from them, people smell your inauthenticity.

I feel like makin dreams come true
I feel like makin dreams come true

This is a fundamental aspect of building rapport. When you make the effort to understand someone's perspective and experiences, you not only show respect but also create an emotional connection. People are more likely to be open and receptive when they feel heard and valued. This is also the first building block of building trust with someone.


Building on engagement, the next step is to take the time to know the person you're engaging with. Authentic communication goes beyond surface-level interactions. Dive deeper into their motivations, challenges, dreams and concerns. Understand their values, fears, and aspirations. This process takes patience and a genuine interest in the other person's well-being.


By investing time in getting to know them, you demonstrate empathy and a commitment to them. This not only strengthens your connection but also provides invaluable insights for tailoring your offer to their unique needs.


Once you've engaged with the person and have a deep understanding of their needs, desires - and here is the million dollar question - and what they care about, only now is it time to present your offer. This offer can be a product, service, opportunity, or even an idea. Offers range from "will you marry me?" to selling a jumbo jet and everything and anything in between. However, the key is to frame it in a way that directly addresses what the person cares about most. We all have concerns in different domains of our life but we only take actions on concerns we care about! If I don't care about something, I am not going to take action to do anything about it... I simply don't care.


Engaging with someone is where the magic of authentic communication comes into play. By aligning your offer with what they care about most, acting as a partner to help them fulfill on the results they want, you just stepped into a way of being with others that is rare and advanced. When people recognize that your offer is tailored to their unique situation, and you are offering to help and support them achieve their desired results, they're far more likely to be receptive and engaged. This is the domain, and I believe one of the highest levels of beingness we are capable of, called being altruistically selfish.


For someone to accept your offer, they must know, like, and trust you. The journey from engagement to enrollment naturally builds these vital pillars. By listening, understanding, and providing a personalized offer, you establish credibility and rapport. People begin to know you through these interactions, and they start to like and trust you based on the genuine connection you've nurtured. You now are seen as a partner to help them fulfill a results commitment they have. Together you fulfill on the results they care about. This takes you beyond trust. You are now seen as someone that is valued, that has authority in the domain your offer is in and this a fundamental and foundational element to being a leader.


Consistency in your communication, transparency, and delivering on your promises further solidifies these bonds. People are more inclined to align themselves with someone they feel they can trust, and when they trust you, they're more willing to embrace your offer. This is the land of integrity. Combine integrity with being responsible gives you the level of your performance and ability to fulfill your mutually agreed to result: a happy marriage or here is your jumbo jet.


The ultimate goal of being altruistically selfish is to empower others to achieve their desired results, thus fulfilling what they care most about. By taking the time to understand their needs and presenting a customized solution, you're not only solving their problems but enabling them to fulfill their purpose and goals.


Being altruistically selfish is fundamental to meaningful interactions and successful relationships, whether in business or life. By engaging with individuals, taking the time to know them, enrolling them in your offer, building trust, you're not just making connections; you're forging partnerships that lead to mutual empowerment and growth, where everyone

wins. In a world where short term fixes are most popular and authenticity often takes a backseat, those who learn - embody - being altruistically selfish are the ones who create lasting impact and achieve remarkable results.


In how many ways can you be altruistically selfish to live a fulfilling life, a life of purpose while helping others also get what they care most about?

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