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  • Writer's pictureJim Hostler

Holiday Gift to Self: Break Up with Your Inner Critic

Updated: Mar 29, 2023

With another holiday season upon us, this year maybe it is time to end a long-term relationship - the one with your inner critic.

Your egoic self. A sneaky, cunning, smart, and survivor, illusion of self. Perhaps the hardest aspect of realizing, being in touch with, and taking control of it is that until it is made conscious, it masters your life.

But unlike that relationship you broke up with, this isn't a break up, go away, I never want to see you again, kind of break up. This is a powerful distinction because we associate break up with "never again". Rather this break up is one of conscious integration, acknowledgement, transforming, and transcending.

But first, let's dive into the egoic self a little more as understanding helps the ultimate transcendence of it. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. Yet most of us have forgotten this and instead value the material world as real - as in this is all there is - and in doing so forgetting the essence, the Truth of who we are. We are Creators,

made in the image and likeness of God. Infinite, whole (holy), divine spiritual beings expressing in a physical apparatus. The separation of this knowledge creates the ego. It is an illusion, but can seem, feel, and act very real. And it's juice of life is fear. With the primary fears driving the egoic mind being

  • the fear of failure. Think "analysis paralysis", perfectionism, over thinking, all which prevents us from taking action

  • the fear of not belonging. This is a slow path of suffocation of the Self expressing. The fear of not belonging causes us to hide our uniqueness, our talents, our self expression, our gifts, and instead give over our power to the people we associate with - I will try to emulate you to fit in.

  • the fear of not being good enough. Each one of is unique and powerful beyond our imagination. Yet, the fear of not being good enough stops you in your tracks and has you settle for far less than that which you are.

The more you know the egoic mind, the easier it is to manage your break up with it. I say manage, as it is a process. It takes time. And you incorporate it into yourself and by doing so transcend it... again, it is a journey but one who's rewards are beyond measure. Here are steps to help you manage the transformation and transcendence of your egoic mind on your journey to Self.

Listen to it. You have to become aware, consciously become aware of your egoic mind to begin to manage it. At first, it is distinguishing what inner voice are you listening to. The Self - Higher Consciousness / Christ consciousness / heart wisdom voice or self, the intelligent, sneaky little egoic voice. One easy differentiator with the egoic voice is it often has the voice of an upset two-year old. It gets upset, is persistent, and is manipulative. Slow down in life, reflect, be present, and you will know which inner voice is speaking.

Serve yourself. One's egoic self isn't bad, rather it just is and it can, at times, actually serve you. Learning to recognize the ways it is no longer serving you is a great start to distinguishing which voice you are going to listen to. Oh, and know that egoic voice... it loves to be right! What is being right costing you? Learning to serve yourself is stepping into your greatness... the Truth of who you are. This is honoring your inner wisdom where you know and you know you know.

Develop a new relationship with yourself to replace the old one. The art and mastery is to give yourself time. Just like a new physical relationship it takes time to get to know the new person you are in a relationship with. Define that new Self you are developing a connection to (as it always has existed, you are re-membering), listening to, asking advise from. Connect often with your True Self... it is like physically working out, the more you do it, the better it gets.

Honor your egoic self. That which you resists persists. The egoic self gets ugly and uglier when it is resisted. Rather learn to honor it. Speak to it. Know you are the one always in control! You don't give your power over to the egoic self unless you do. Thank it for sharing its opinion or "advise" and then, like a child, tell it, respectfully, what you are going to do. Maintain yourself being in power, being in control. You are always in the driver's seat!

This journey is non-linear. Unlike breaking up in a relationship and you each go your own way, never to be seen or talked to again, the egoic mind is cunning, sneaking, and will show up when you don't expect it. You will act or say something from the egoic mind only to realize afterwards who was in the driver's seat.

Honor these occurrences and moments. Again, resist and you gave your power over to it. Thank it. Talk to it. This is a process of raising your consciousness, incorporating the egoic mind into yourself - to honor all that you are but yet you choose what to give your power to. This is the core to your path of life's mastery - fall in love with the practice of raising your consciousness as once you arrive at one summit, there are many more summits to travel to.

This is a journey of healing. Chances are your egoic mind has had control of your life for decades. Healing, transforming, transcending, finding your True Self, that inner connection, takes time and is a journey of healing of self - possibly the healing of lifetimes of self. Find acceptance of yourself exactly where you are, exactly where you are not, which keeps you present. In the present is the only place transformation and transcendence happen.

This is likely to be the hardest journey of your life. But the rewards of embarking on and staying on this journey are beyond measure. You can only imagine what is possible in your current state of consciousness. Low vibration emotions and moods exist here. Emotions and moods are but precursors to the actions you take. This is a roadmap of the egoic mind.

Transforming and transcending these low vibration emotions and moods cause you to take different actions. They change your perceptions of life and intentions in life. They cause you to desire different things, relationships, events, and circumstances in life to show up. You are a human being always becoming. This is a journey of becoming higher levels of consciousness expressing.

Transcending the ego is living a thousand lifetimes in one. The continual death and rebirth of self into higher and higher levels of consciousness (Self) is the biggest gift you can give to yourself. It is shedding the false self a thousand times over and showing up evermore in your greatness, imbued with humility.



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